I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
