This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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