Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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