Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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