you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
