It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
