Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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