I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Acid is not a monday night drug
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
