Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
