were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
