you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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