Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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