16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
