Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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