hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
