My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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