is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just high enough for therapy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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