im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I want her autograph on my taint
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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