Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
