Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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