At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
