Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
