So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She said her name was "party"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
