I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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