Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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