Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
