I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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