I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
