Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
