I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
