Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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