NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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