I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
