i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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