Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
