btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
