Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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