i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
