would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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