I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
