she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
