Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
