before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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