i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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