You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
