She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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