I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to cum in my sink.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
