Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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