Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Mom said you looked used
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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