wat bout pragnant strippers??
Me. At least after what I've been through.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
