I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
