Your face is a jimmy john
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
