Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
