She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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