if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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