My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
