I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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