At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
