garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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