I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
