stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
